In the secular world, life often revolves around spreading news about others.
Getting information from someone about someone else is really how the world works in so many ways. Of course, with each pass of the information, the old game called “telephone” weaves its way into the narrative and information gets skewed.
For those unfamiliar with that old childhood game, here is how it works: There is a line of children and the very first person whispers something to the person beside them, who then whispers what they heard to the next person, and so on. This process continues until the last person who hears, speaks it out loud for all to hear. What makes this game fun is that what the final person hears is highly unlikely what the first person said. Why is that?
Along the way several things can happen:
What’s interesting is that anyone that has played this game knows the beginning phrase will be highly skewed by the time it reaches the last person. And yet, we continue this same game as adults thinking that we are immune to that outcome.
The biggest difference now is that we are doing this with people’s lives. Stories about people’s decisions, problems, tragedies, habits, and well, identity, make the circuit, and before you know it, that person’s life has turned into low-grade entertainment.
Imagine that…the troubles of your life being spoken of in other people’s homes as a source of enjoyment. So if your kids are struggling with the challenges of life and someone down the street “knows” all about it, the child’s character and your parenting are being called into question by someone you may not even know. Or worse, someone you know very well. They know everything about your family and they know how to fix it. Of course, they will never tell you, but they will most certainly tell the next person in line.
And guess what happens as it pushes further down the line…yep, the truth is replaced with incomplete truths or even an outright lie.
What is the matter with us?! What on earth could possibly provoke this sort of destructive behavior?
To answer that we will need to first understand what gossip actually is.
Gossip is speech about someone who is not present that is neither loving nor redemptive, and that damages their reputation, standing, or dignity.
As opposed to slander (spreading lies), gossip may be true, partially true, unproven, or even framed as “concern,” “sharing,” or “processing”. But just because it is true, that does not sanctify the narrative.
Biblically, gossip is the word rakil (רָכִיל). It means talebearer or whisperer (remember our telephone game?). For example,
Leviticus 19:16 “You shall not go about as a talebearer (rakil) among your people…”
Rakil literally means:
So gossip is not accidental speech, it is movement of information. And it is destructive.
Going further, in Proverbs, gossip is described as covert, intimate, and seductive:
Proverbs 16:28 A gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 18:8 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.
Gossip feeds the listener while poisoning the community. This is why Abba forbids it as we saw in Leviticus 19 above. Paul even mentions gossip in a list of evils that include murderers and haters of God:
Romans 1:29 They are filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and vice; stuffed with jealousy, murder, quarrelling, dishonesty and ill-will; they are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God; they are insolent, arrogant and boastful; they plan evil schemes; they disobey their parents; 31 they are brainless, faithless, heartless and ruthless. 32 They know well enough God’s righteous decree that people who do such things deserve to die; yet not only do they keep doing them, but they applaud others who do the same.
As you can tell, gossip is not something to be treated lightly.
What exactly does gossip do?
Think about those people you love sharing information with. Do you honestly believe they aren’t talking about you once they have turned their attention to someone else? I mean, you do the same thing to them, right? This gossiping spirit knows no allegiances and has no bounds. Anyone, and I mean anyone, is fair game.
This invites judgment without responsibility.
The speaker controls the narrative and they can carefully avoid correction. This means they suffer no consequence (well, they assume as much anyway).
On the contrary, the person being spoken of has no voice and they bear the label being spoken. While the gossiper seems to be consequence-free, this person being talked about absorbs the damage. This is why gossip produces nearly irreversible judgment. Once people hear a “fact” about you, they have a very hard time forgetting it so it becomes part of who you are in the eyes of the hearers. You will likely never know what was said, but instead experience a slight change in relationships.
Gossip does not only damage the one being spoken about. It also feeds something in the one who speaks and the one who listens. It appeals to a craving for significance, the quiet pleasure of being “in the know”.
It offers a counterfeit sense of justice, the feeling that at least someone is being held accountable, even if only in conversation. It subtly exalts the self: “at least I’m not like them, at least I see clearly”.
And beneath it all is a desire for control. If I can interpret someone else’s behavior, assign motive, and form a verdict, then I can manage my own discomfort, fear, or anxiety. Gossip soothes the ego while disguising itself as concern. This is why it is so seductive, and why repentance must address not just the words we speak, but the appetite those words are feeding.
But beyond these internal motives, there is something far more serious in play.
In Revelation 12, Scripture identifies Satan as the accuser of the brethren. Gossip then rehearses accusation without redemption. That’s why Yeshua draws such a sharp line around truth, light, and exposure, and why gossip thrives in shadows. (see: John 3:19-21; John 8:31-32; John 18:37)
The whisperer is chock full of accusations and they can’t wait for an opportunity to release them. They have personally picked up the mantle of the Adversary and are carrying it into the earth.
Think about this. They are literally doing the work of Satan. And when you entertain it by listening, you are fueling the work of the Enemy. Because without hearers, who can the gossipers tell?
Understanding this is great and all, but what should you actually do when someone shares information with you about someone else?
This is where theology meets real life, and where most people freeze. Scripture does call us to truth, but it also gives us wisdom for how to carry truth without becoming harsh, self-righteous, or socially reckless.
Below is a Biblically faithful, relationally realistic framework you can actually live out.
When someone begins sharing information about another person, you are not a passive bystander. Biblically, you have already entered the situation. Remember, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels…”
Listening is participation but it is how you respond that determines whether you fuel the fire or extinguish it. Your goal is not to shame the speaker. Your goal is to interrupt the pattern without breaking the relationship. Before responding, silently assess:
This determines your response. Scripture consistently models redirection, not accusation. What you say and how you say it matters…a lot. According to Proverbs 15, “A gentle answer turns away wrath…”.
For starters, you don’t need to announce, “this is gossip” because that almost always hardens people. Instead, you remove the oxygen. How?
Here are practical responses that will help.
This is often the best first move.
This works because it forces the speaker to examine intent and interrupts momentum without accusation. It also gently restores Biblical order.
Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault — just between the two of you.”
When the story continues:
This does three things: 1) it names your value without attacking theirs, 2) it refuses to carry the narrative, and 3) preserves trust.
If the person is genuinely hurting:
You’re not silencing pain, you’re redirecting it toward obedience. As Yeshua said in the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are the peacemakers…”
So your job here is to make peace. Of course, the things you say will change with the type of relationship.
Depending on the authoritative or relational dynamic, what you say will change based on your relationship with the speaker. Here are a few examples:
You must balance truth and hierarchy.
You’re not correcting, you’re clarifying your role.
Professional boundaries are Biblical wisdom, not avoidance.
You can be more explicit with a believer, albeit gently. Sure, they are supposed to know better but it is unlikely they have classified what they are saying as gossip. Sometimes people really believe they are sharing information to help.
Just remember what Paul said in Ephesians 4: “Speak the truth in love…”
This is the hardest.
Family gossip often disguises itself as loyalty. But wisdom refuses false alliances.
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These are just a few launching points to try and steer the conversation away from destroying someone’s character and questioning their identity. The point in dealing with gossip is to throw a wet blanket on any dishonoring speech as quickly and honorably as possible.
But there are a few things to keep in mind as you try to disarm this destructive process.
In addition to what you can (and should) do, there are several things you want to be sure not to do.
Don’t sermonize.
Don’t diagnose motives.
Don’t quote Scripture as a weapon.
Don’t say “this is gossip” unless absolutely necessary
Truth spoken without love creates resistance, not repentance. And the goal is not to condemn the speaker but instead for them to be set free. Silence that protects sin or endangers others is not Biblical restraint. Wisdom always serves truth and protection.
In fact, there are moments when speaking is not only permitted, but required. Scripture never calls us to silence that enables harm, conceals abuse, or protects ongoing sin. When confrontation is necessary, speak directly to the person involved whenever possible. When authority is required, speak to those entrusted with oversight, whether that is leadership, employers, or governing authorities.
And when safety is at risk, wisdom demands that protection take precedence over discretion. Restraint does not mean secrecy, and honor does not mean concealment. Biblical speech is ordered, purposeful, and aimed at restoration, but never at exposure for its own sake.
Now, if they push back you can calmly repeat the boundary:
“I’m not judging, I’m just choosing not to carry this.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it just means I’m not the right audience.”
Consistency is more powerful than intensity.
When you respond this way consistently people will gossip less around you. Why? Because you are a horrible audience.
But trust will increase and your words will gain weight. Most importantly though, you stop carrying stories that poison your heart.
Proverbs 26:20 Without wood, a fire goes out.
Stopping gossip isn’t about being bold, it’s about being faithful, restrained, and rooted in love. Most gossip dies not because someone rebuked it, but because someone refused to enjoy it.
Refusing gossip is not about moral superiority. It is about stewardship of our hearts, our relationships, and the image of God in others. Every story we are invited to hear is also an invitation to judge, and it is wise to know when to decline that invitation. Love does not require silence, but it does require restraint.
In a culture that thrives on commentary, restraint is often the truest form of faithfulness.
And if you think gossip is only a private sin, keep in mind that the modern world has built platforms to monetize it. So this is not limited to private conversation.
Social media has taken the whisperer’s role and amplified it beyond anything Scripture’s original audience could have imagined. Stories now travel instantly, without proximity, relationship, or responsibility. We comment on people we will never meet, pass judgment on fragments of information, and call it discernment. The same gossip Scripture condemns in private conversation now flourishes publicly, rewarded with attention and affirmation.
The medium has changed, but the spirit has not. We must apply the same restraint online that Scripture demands offline, perhaps even more.
Which leads us to one last thing we need to address: prayer teams.
One of the most subtle ways we excuse gossip is by attaching it to something holy.
It isn’t uncommon to have a group of people come together to pray for someone else. This is not only a good thing, but a Biblical call as well.
Prayer is one of the highest callings given to the people of God. Intercession is not passive concern, it is participation in God’s redemptive work on behalf of others. Scripture calls us to carry one another before the Father, to bear burdens, and to stand in the gap. But because prayer is powerful, it also demands integrity. The moment prayer becomes a vehicle for circulating unguarded information, it ceases to be intercession and becomes something else entirely.
This tension is most visible in prayer chains and prayer teams.
These communities are often formed with the purest of intentions: to respond quickly to need, to mobilize care, and to surround others with support. Yet the very speed and intimacy that make prayer chains effective also make them vulnerable. Information moves quickly, and with it, assumptions, interpretations, and details that were never meant to travel.
The line between intercession and gossip is rarely crossed in malice. More often, it is crossed in the name of helpfulness. A request begins simply with a name, a situation, or a need, but soon more information is offered. Context is added. Motives are guessed. Histories are supplied. The justification is almost always the same: we need to know more so we can “pray better”.
Scripture does not require that assumption.
Prayer is not improved by exposure to private detail. God does not require narrative depth in order to act. Intercession is not investigative. It is relational, directed toward God, not toward satisfying human curiosity. When additional information does not serve protection, restoration, or immediate care, it often serves something else: the desire to understand, to interpret, or to quietly evaluate.
There is a subtle shift that occurs when prayer requests move from “please pray for strength, healing, or wisdom” to “here is what they did, said, or failed to do.” At that point, prayer no longer remains vertical. It becomes horizontal commentary disguised as spiritual concern.
The listener is no longer positioned as an intercessor, but as an observer and, eventually, a judge.
This is why Scripture places such weight on honor. To speak about someone who is not present, even in prayer, requires restraint.
Honor asks whether the information being shared preserves dignity or diminishes it.
Integrity asks whether the person being prayed for would feel protected or exposed if they heard the request repeated.
These questions matter because prayer does not sanctify speech. A holy activity does not automatically purify unholy communication.
Biblical intercession carries a different posture. It is content to bring need without narrative. It resists filling in gaps that God never asked us to fill. It understands that God already knows the full story and that prayer is an act of trust, not control. When Scripture calls believers to pray for one another, it does not invite them to dissect one another.
This does not mean that details are never appropriate. There are times when leaders, counselors, or trusted intercessors must be informed in order to provide care, protection, or wise response. But even then, information is shared narrowly, intentionally, and with consent whenever possible.
The question is not “Can I share this?” but “Who truly needs to know this, and for what purpose?”
Prayer teams that operate with integrity learn to distinguish between intercession and circulation. They speak in ways that could be repeated in the presence of the one being prayed for. They guard against language that assigns motive, labels character, or frames someone through their failure. They pray toward healing, not toward explanation.
When prayer becomes a channel for unchecked information, trust erodes, not only between people, but between people and God. Those who are prayed for may feel exposed rather than covered. Those who pray may unknowingly train their hearts to consume rather than contend. Over time, prayer loses its power because it has lost its posture.
Honoring prayer is not about withholding compassion. It is about refusing to confuse intimacy with access. The most faithful intercessors are often those who know the least detail and carry the greatest love. They understand that to pray rightly is not to know everything, but to entrust everything to the One who does.
A prayer culture marked by honor becomes a place of safety. Requests are offered without fear of becoming stories. Intercession strengthens rather than divides. And the people of God learn again that prayer is not a means of managing others, but of submitting ourselves to the work of God on their behalf.
Every person on this planet has value in the eyes of God.
If they are alive, they can still repent. While some may never repent, Abba keeps that option open so that on the Last Day they cannot accuse Him of not giving them every opportunity to do so. For those that do finally surrender, even then it may be on their deathbed before it happens.
If the Creator of the universe sees their value despite their condition, then we should learn to do the same. That begins by laying down our judgments. It follows that we then refuse to speak dishonorably about anyone.
If we have an issue that does not involve safety, protection, or rightful authority, the only hearer should be God Himself. We can unburden ourselves and voice our frustrations to Him but no one else. Otherwise, we may begin to walk in that polluted sea of gossip.
And what if you’re currently in that sea?
If we are honest, most of us have participated in gossip far more than we care to admit.
We have listened when we should have redirected. We have nodded when we should have paused. We have repeated things under the guise of concern, prayer, or clarity. And in doing so, we have carried stories that were never entrusted to us by God.
Repentance begins by calling this what it is. It is not a personality trait, not a social habit, not a harmless flaw, but sin. Not because it violates etiquette, but because it violates love. Gossip reshapes the heart of the speaker and the listener alike. It trains us to judge without responsibility and to speak without accountability.
And it slowly erodes our ability to see people the way God sees them.
But repentance does not end in silence or self-loathing. It ends in reordering. It begins by returning judgment to God and laying down the need to evaluate others from a distance. It continues by choosing restraint, refusing to speak about people who are not present unless love and restoration are the clear aim. It grows as we learn to take our frustrations, questions, and pain directly to Abba rather than distributing them among others.
There is a freedom that comes with this kind of repentance.
When we stop carrying stories, we regain clarity. When we stop rehearsing accusations, we recover compassion. When we stop feeding on information that was never ours to hold, our hearts soften again. We begin to see people not as narratives, warnings, or problems to be solved, but as image-bearers still standing within the reach of God’s mercy.
Life without gossip is quieter, but it is cleaner. Relationships become safer. Trust deepens. Prayer regains its power. And the community of believers begins to look less like a court of judgment and more like a place of refuge.
If we truly believe that every living person still has the opportunity to repent, then our speech must reflect that belief. If God Himself refuses to close the door on anyone while breath remains in them, then we must learn to do the same. That means laying down our judgments, guarding our words, and refusing to trade in stories that diminish the value of others.
In the end, the call is simple, though not easy:
Speak less about people.
Pray more for them.
And trust God to handle what we were never meant to manage.